DEAR ABBY: I can't stand being around my dad. I love my mom, but no longer respect her because she stays married to him. He's a narcissistic bully. My brother agrees. My parents and I live in the same town and get together for holidays, birthdays and other events. My brother lives out of state.

I grew up with Playboy magazines lying around the house, watching my father ogle women and comment on their bodies, including mine. He shamed us constantly in front of others and thought it was funny. When I finally found my voice, he called me a b****. He isn't supportive and never hesitates to tell me how I'm doing something wrong. He yells at my dogs and my kids for being dogs/kids.

I would love to not see him again, but he's my dad, and my mom loves him. I don't want to buy him gifts or cards on his special days because it's insincere, but I find myself doing it anyway. How do I handle this and reconcile the conflict I know will ensue if I make myself happy? -- STRUGGLING IN NEVADA

DEAR STRUGGLING: Sometimes strategic withdrawal is better than an argument. Stop exposing your children and your pets to your abusive, hypercritical father's rants, and if your mother notices and asks why, be honest with her. See her separately if you wish, but avoid your father whenever possible. If you must see him and he starts acting up, leave. If you feel you have to gift him something on his special days, make it a generic card so you will feel less like a hypocrite. You deserve to be happy, and if you follow my advice, I predict your children will be happier, too.