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Mother Continues To Treat Grown Son Like a Child
DEAR ABBY: Several months after we met, my partner asked me to move into her home. That was three years ago. She told me she had a son who was living with her, but that he would soon be moving into his own place. I have never loved anyone the way I do her, but her son is a different story.
What she didn't tell me before I moved in was that he is 37 years old and hasn't worked more than three weeks in his life. He is not physically or mentally disabled. In fact, he is extremely bright in the tech field. He is totally dependent on his mother to pay for everything, including his car. He buys nothing.
She gives him a hefty "allowance" for doing her yardwork. He has no shame about being a slacker, and she keeps saying she wants him out on his own, but she sets no deadlines. I want her to set a departure date. Her son has to grow up, get a job and move out six months after that, just as my daughter and son both did. They now have families and are economically sound.
I want my partner and me to have our own home together. She's pushing marriage, and I'm thinking I should use my head and move back to Florida. I have no security here and I do not want any responsibility for him. Any advice? -- SMARTER WOMAN
DEAR SMARTER WOMAN: Your partner may be pressing for marriage, but you absolutely shouldn't do it under these circumstances. Set a departure date at which time either her son moves out, or you do. I agree that the man (37!) needs to move out and accept responsibility for himself, but it won't happen as long as Mama is his enabler.