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DEAR ABBY: I was happily married for almost 20 years. Suddenly my husband became withdrawn, obviously unhappy, and moved out. He keeps telling me we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, that we aren't divorced, just taking a break.
Although I had a great relationship with his family, they no longer speak to me. My family still treats him the same. He has a friend who is always whispering in his ear about how terrible I am. My husband denies it, but I have seen the text messages. As far as I know, I haven't done anything to this friend. Between my husband's paydays, I help him out financially. We're both close to retirement age because we married late, and we still have a teenager at home. Do I wait for him to come around, or move on with my life? I still love him, but I'm feeling used. -- DISILLUSIONED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR DISILLUSIONED: You are not only being used, but also being lied to. In addition, your in-laws' behavior is emotionally abusive. (Could they have been told things about you that aren't true?) Offer your husband the option of marriage and family therapy and a chance to repair what went wrong. However, if he refuses, quit being so accommodating, close your checkbook and move on with your life.