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DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my fiance of six years revealed that he doesn't think homosexuality is normal or right. I was shocked because he had never mentioned it before, nor did I see any signs that he thought that way. We've gone to Pride celebrations, and we both have gay relatives and friends.
When we discuss how we will raise our children, it always winds up in an argument. He doesn't want our future children to be influenced by gay people on TV and doesn't want me to "encourage" it. He did say that, after the child turns 18, he would accept what they "choose." I would like to teach my children to accept people's true selves.
I have tried reasoning with him and using logic as to why there's nothing wrong with gay people and begged him to think about it from their perspective. Nothing I can say changes his mind. He was raised by a very "macho" father who thinks the same way. What should I do? Do you think a marriage would survive this kind of disagreement? Would therapy help? -- MORE ACCEPTING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MORE ACCEPTING: Be glad your fiance has been honest with you about this -- even if it's five years late. One would think that having gay friends and a gay relative would have shown him that sexual orientation isn't something a person "chooses." Gay people can no more help being attracted to members of the same sex than straight people can help being attracted to people of the opposite sex.
Therapy can be helpful and provide valuable insight to individuals who are willing to admit they need it. I hope your fiance will consider this. Children come out much earlier today than in years past, and it's important they feel safe doing it. Being forced to wait longer could cause damage that lasts a lifetime. For your sake and theirs, get to the core of what is going on with this man, and decide what to do accordingly.
DEAR ABBY: I am a man in my late 40s who has been looking for love all my life. One factor that has made it difficult is my height. I'm 4'11" tall. What makes finding someone nearly impossible is that the online dating site profiles always ask for my height. Unfortunately, being extremely short in stature isn't a characteristic women are looking for, so even though I can spend upward of an hour filling out all that profile information, the system invariably returns a no-match for me. Do you think I should lie about my height, and when I meet the person, hopefully she can give me a chance? Or am I destined to spend my life alone? -- SHORTY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SHORTY: Lying would be neither helpful nor appropriate, because the person you meet would then be inclined to wonder what else you were lying about. My dear late mother once told me, "Smart women measure their men from the eyebrows up, not the hairline down," and it's true. Some of the most brilliant and charming men I know are short, and it doesn't make them less attractive. You may have better luck if you are introduced to women by people who know you -- relatives, friends, friends of friends, etc. You can also do a search online to see which sites have better results for shorter people. Some dating sites and apps even cater to shorter people.
Stand by me
This song says, no matter who you are,
No matter where you go in your life
At some point you're going to need
Somebody to stand by you.