I'm not superficial, but he has gained more than 40 pounds since we met, and he refuses to eat healthy or exercise. He watched me spend countless hours working out to lose all my baby weight. We are rarely intimate anymore, and when we are I do it out of obligation.

I know these things happen, but he seems to be happy. I think if I told him I wanted to leave, he would be floored. Divorced friends of mine who have young children have advised me against it, and say my children's happiness should come before mine. Others say if I'm not happy, the kids won't be happy. I can manage living this life for them, but I feel like I'm too young to cheat myself out of some of my best years. Am I being selfish or smart? -- WEIGHTY SUBJECT IN NEW YORK

DEAR WEIGHTY SUBJECT: Before your marriage deteriorates further, have a frank discussion with your husband. He seems to be happy because he doesn't know what's going on in your head. For reasons that go beyond animal attraction -- including the welfare of his children -- he needs to make some lifestyle changes and get a handle on his health. I am hoping that when you convey the message to him, he will be receptive. If not, please try marriage counseling before you consult a lawyer.